Conviction
This post was meant to be on Surrender, which was my word for 2023.
Last year started off with a different intention, to connect with my intuition, which I came to realise was based too much in reaching, grasping - something I have always done. Even wrapped up in beautiful moments, I’m actively trying to take in every detail with my logical mind, intellectualising beauty, straining to remember every detail - nearly missing the feeling of being in the present moment in the process.
A few months in to 2023 the idea of surrender was brought back to me, again and again. I don’t think the word always had a positive ring to it for me, but it certainly does now. Going with the flow is something I have to remind myself to do - there is efforting involved in letting go, like pretending to be asleep until you finally fall asleep, the more you grasp the farther you get from it. Instead you have to remind yourself gently, drop in a little deeper, release to the current, until it feels like more of a natural state - because it is our natural state.
I had been writing the post on surrender in my head for awhile, as I worked with my practice, with the herbs… but I never sat down to actually write it, and now it feels like the moment has passed. Maybe I am meant to come back to this word again some other time, to discover another layer of it. So, for now I will leave this gem for my future self to unearth when she’s ready.
Now, conviction…
Nearly feels like the opposite? …but maybe it’s not at all.
On the Capricorn new moon, on 11/1 it feels like the right time to focus on taking control and the intentionality of new goals.
It’s not my word for 2024, but conviction has also been coming to me again and again the last few weeks. I came across a post “Why conviction matters more than inner clarity” by the divine Fiona Nodar, who has given me so many delicious “aha” moments, difficult truths, and perspectives I had not yet considered (“How to know if your idea of spirituality is capitalism in disguise” is a powerful read).
“Waiting for clarity is another way we feed our fruitless attachment to knowing… Conviction requires living in surrender while still giving us enough form to not become consumed by the waves of life or the conditions of the broader collective.”
So grateful for talented writers who share their souls with us so freely.
by Robin Isely
To practice conviction, we must also surrender some part of ourselves, the part that debates every possible outcome, that thinks “but what if…?”, that makes our clarity murky the longer we sit in it, that can freeze us in our tracks and lurch in our stomach.
In this way, we see conviction as an antidote for what we perceive as “creative blocks” or “a lack of intuition”. On a path of discernment, feeling the difference between when we are waiting for the right time and when we are just frozen after chasing “clarity” for too long is key.
Can we release, befriend the unknowing, and leap with careful precision anyway? Not with abandon. Not jumping blindly with recklessness parading as “following my gut”, but understanding the subtleties. By creating spaciousness, strengthening the muscle of intuition with consistent conviction in all things, as an ongoing conversation with our bodies, rather than holding her hostage with impulsiveness.
Delphine summarises this beautifully in her post on intuition “We need to develop a mature capacity for nuance. To hold the tension of opposites, as we restore the balance between our rational minds, our bodies, our emotions and our intuitive, Soul selves.” (subscribe to her Substack)
Another reason why embodiment is so important. Our mind makes sense of it, our bodies process it, our spirit alchemises it. The lesson is transmuted, only when every layer is saturated in it.
Conviction takes precision.
The archer who stands in perfect stillness and ultimate presence. No sweeping, chaotic shows of brute strength - just deadly focus. Micro movements that are barely visible, which come from the body’s memory, from intuition, from a flow state - trusting in the body completely, not the mind. Only moving at the exact right time, with intention. The arrow hitting it’s mark is not a problem solved by the mind, it’s an intention set from the heart.
“They call me kind they call me gentle
They call me fierce they call me wild
They know I’ll call on the rocks beneath them if I need to
And I will make the seas writhe”
Artemis - raw, untamed and carefully exacting. Unyielding in her focus, she is fiercely independent, intuitive, protective, relentless in her pursuit of justice. A woman of dualities - goddess of the hunt, the wild, an executioner with righteous rage, but also protector of chastity with unwavering devotion to causes, people, animals. Dreams and action. Chastity and childbirth.
This archetype of Artemis has also been returning to me over the course of last year - in different forms but always pointing me to the same energy. And, as I gather for my first “Yinfusion” workshop A Journey with Mugwort, I have been working with her for some weeks.
With Artemis we also have the gift of the deer archetype, also pointing us toward intuition, swiftness, grace, keen senses. Maybe you’ll join me unraveling this further in this upcoming workshop, while basking in the juicy waters of the Pisces new moon on 10th of March? Watch this space.
“Yinfusion”
Mugwort, the “mother of all herbs”, the “oldest of plants”. She doesn’t allow stagnation, indecision, anything lingering too long. She works through the waters of the body, with our psyche and through dreams, as part of her association with the moon archetype (and her namesake Artemisia Vulgaris). Duality is in her nature, working with the nervous system and balancing both extreme states: calming “higher” states such as anxiety, nervousness, and stress; and also uplifting the heaviness of depression. She also has a special affinity for the uterus, easing menstruation and stimulating flow.
A powerful teacher in all of these themes. I highly recommend a Mugwort infused oil and smudge. Mugwort smoke is traditionally used in Moxibustion and many other cultures all over the world have used it in ceremonies and rituals for thousands of years.
In the body
Where do we feel conviction in the body? Conviction comes from our solar plexus - the core of our power, our will. I would say surrender comes from the same place: a letting go of control - a soft belly. In a world full of holding, suppressing, gripping (and very literally for women) a soft belly is a radical idea.
Butterfly is a beautiful yin pose for the solar plexus, and for embodying the feeling of surrender. Following the theme of duality, butterfly can be done with a forward fold or reclined. It is one of my favourite poses when reclined, in a kind of goddess pose variation. Open arms, soft belly, and the stretch through the hips are divine. Supported (image on the left) is also an option if it’s too intense to ly flat back on the mat. Equally delicious is butterfly with a supported forward fold (image on the right), surrendering in a bow as if in prayer, with palms up to receive.
Conviction could easily be the theme of my north node in Aries (a busy sign in my chart). I’m learning the north node in the natal chart points to the lessons you’re meant to learn in this life, with the opposite in the south pointing to familiar territory, the past. North node will make you sweat, it is outside your comfort zone. Conviction comes to me when I witness injustice, no matter how small, for me it is a natural state in that context, my uncertainties and insecurities fall away, before I even realise it - it is a knee jerk reaction, all of the fire in my chart and Aries energy is activated (just try cheating in a board game!). Big things, too, like moving to a different country, I somehow also thought the least about - unwavering conviction was there as well. But the everyday, seemingly small things - I think too long and I am stuck, especially in the minutiae…
Release. Flow. Conviction.
